Strangely Attracted
by Loise
Summary: Lily Potter, nee Evans, is having all sorts of feelings for a certain someone. What trouble could this cause?
1. Crying Realization

**Strangely Attracted**

_Chapter One: Crying Realization_

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Lily was sitting stiffly, her mouth in a think line. A cup of tea was carefully being drained. Her enchanting green eyes were staring off in space lost in her thoughts. They were vacant busy were her internal monologue,

Then with a flash of green fire, she threw the empty tea cup down on the floor, wincing as the shards flew up.

Covering her face with her hands, feeling the cool metal of her wedding ring press into her cheek, she let out a shuddering breath.

She shouldn't be feeling this way. It was wrong and _he_ just wasn't her type. Of course that what was she had said about James, but here she was married to him. And pregnant.

This situation was totally fucked up.

She, Lily Potter, was attracted to Remus Lupin.

She felt that she was in some kind of sitcom, obviously twisted, demented and darkly mad, this wasn't life. It was script. This really didn't happen to people did it? This only happened in movies… She couldn't possibly feel for Remus could she?

She was witch, an inner voice drawled snidely. Of course it was possible. How else could she be here right now? But… it made no sense, right? She was in love with James! Not Remus…

It just wasn't possible.

And yet it was.

Love? Oh dear Lord…

She didn't know how it had started, just that she felt those types of feelings for him. Feelings that made her curse and rage. That made her feel overwhelmingly guilty and ashamed…

Why did she shiver when he touched her arm, when he was only being friendly and not romantic in any sense? Why did she want him to kiss her, trailing soft kisses down her neck? Why when his eyes were pained, trapped in his own misery, did she feel the pressuring need to help him, to embrace him and end all of his worries? Why did she want to punch the people who were so prejudiced against him? Why…?

There was an answer, but to admit it was to open many dangerous doors. She wasn't brace enough to challenge her mind, and face up to her feelings.

Maybe it was for the best.

But why then, did this huge weight seem to be pressing into her?

Sighing, she curled up on the sofa and started crying, soft sobs that vibrated around the room. Body shaking, she wrapped her arms around herself, fingernails digging through her shirt and into her arms.

It was all so hopeless. What could she do? Remus was one of James' best friends, and she his wife. They were friends… but he wouldn't betray James like that.

She was alone. No one knew about her… attraction, no one could know! She couldn't tell any one, for fear of reprisal and that James… that he would find out.

And the baby… she placed one of her slightly swelled stomach, and smiled weakly through her tears. _Her _baby, would need a father. And James so wanted a child. She couldn't leave; there wouldn't be anything to go to.

James would never know… she would make sure of that, she wouldn't tell a soul about her feelings for Remus. She couldn't…

Sighing in defeat she lay back, cuddling a cushion, like a baby. Staring blanking up at the ceiling. Her face was tear streaked, silvery tracts brought up by moonlight shining through the open window. Shutting her eyes in pain, Lily covered her mouth and groaned in grief. Tears once again falling…

She didn't know how to stop these feelings, and deep inside her she secretly didn't. She was alone and weeping, and there was no hope for her.

This was how Remus found her.

Forlorn and desolate.

* * *

Remus was so excited that he didn't bother to knock at he barged through the door, grinning happily, ready to burst with delight.

The door slammed backwards, but didn't make a sound. Lily had learned well from from the past and had insisted on silencing charms so that door could not, much to James' horror, make a loud noise.

The sight that greeted him, defied his demeanor and he felt the smile drop away from his face, as he gazed on one of his best friends' wife.

Lily was crying.

Like many men, Remus felt insecure and unsure when he saw a woman crying, so he stood there, awkwardly in the middle of the doorway. Shuffling his feet, he turned away, unable to bear looking at her sadness… Yet he couldn't stop his eyes from coming back to her sobbing form. He just couldn't. Lily often made him feel so helpless… All the while she makes him more sure of himself.

It was something strange certainly. He couldn't stand to look at her bereavement, yet to draw away was to betray her somehow.

So he just stood there, finger twitching from the desire to comfort her, while he leaned away from the scene.

She gasped, a shaky hoarse sound, sniffling. Lily wiped one hand across her eyes and opened them. Jerking up into a sitting position, her mouth wide open, jaw hanging openly. She gazed at Remus with shock.

He for one didn't know how to act. She was obviously in some kind of emotional pain, but he… He didn't know how to help her.

Opening her mouth a couple of time, trying to say something, anything. Lily took a deep breath and spoke, "H-hello Remus." Her voice was shaky and husky from what he assumed were tears. She brought her emerald eyes to him, and he was caught in her powerful if vulnerable eyes.

Lily had always been special, you just could tell. She had always been kind to people, there for people… most people. She has been there for him when anti-werewolf hysteria had hit the ceiling, and had not flinched when the accusations had been leveled as her. Lily had never looked away.

And her eyes… they were never horrified.

She simply took his breath away.

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**AN:** no idea where this came from shrugs hope you find it interesting. Oh and this isn't meant to be taken seriously. There will be more than likely more chapters for this, probably only one through, but then again, who knows?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter… surprised?


	2. Aching Thoughts

**Strangely Attracted**

_Chapter Two: Aching Thoughts_

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"Oh Remus!" she sighed her face a mess of tears and indecision, and stood up walking slowly over to him, her pace slow and shaky. Their eyes never leaving one another, hers intent and focused and on him. He just couldn't take his eyes away, from the trembling afraid figure of Lily.

Ever so slowly, she grasped his hands, her shivering fingers wrapping around his cut and rough hands. They stood like that for moments, frozen by each other's touch.

Soft hands, a hint of callous, the band of her wedding ring pressing sharply into his hand. The scrap of her nails, scratching his skin. Making him shiver…

"Remus…" Lily whispered, and he tightened his grip on her loose fingers. She responded with the same fevour. Tears were flowing freely; she didn't seem able to stop.

Lifting one hand up, he brushed a tear away. The tear ran down his finger as he stared at in pity and remorse. She shuddered and leaned into his arms, crying and weeping.

"Lily," he murmured, one hand stroking her hair awkwardly, it was soft under his touch but he felt more than one tangle try to ensnare his prying fingers.

She had flung her arms around his neck, her face buried in his neck. The tears were pressing into his flesh reminding him that there was something wrong.

"Lily," he said once more, trying to catch her attention. "Why are you crying?" It was stupid question, and he barely suppressed the curses he wanted to mutter.

She looked into his amber eyes, tear misting up her vision, a deep sadness and betrayal on her pale and damp face. She let go of him suddenly, stepping back from him, hands clenching at her sides. "I'm sorry Remus, for my behaviour, I'm sorry." She choked out, jerking her head to the side.

"Lily, tell me, why? Don't lie, or make up these excuses… I've dealt with James and Sirius for many years. I know one when I see one. Just tell me, why were you crying? If you trust me…" he trailed off deliberately knowing she would be caught, she would tell him. He hated using such means, but she had been crying with such force.

She gasped, "Remus! I have always trusted you, always! Don't you believe me?" Her hands dug into his coat's sleeves desperately as her eyes dug deep into his own.

"Lily, I know. I just want to know. I care about you."

But Lily seemed to be caught up with something else, "James…" she whispered, her grip on his relaxing, her eyes staring in the distance, into nothing.

"James?" he prodded carefully.

She covered her face with her hands, and whispered between her fingers, "He is going to be so angry…"

"What's wrong Lily?" She looked so heart broken, he just wanted to help.

* * *

He was just so good to her, she thought looking at him with a sad glance. He doesn't realize that, that, I have feelings for him, she finished off lamely.

But… he did deserve to know. She couldn't take all of this damn secrecy; she had been living a lie for the last couple of months. She just couldn't see any way out of this.

It was the right thing, wasn't it?

Dreamily, she walked over to the sofa, the broken tea cup's shards crumbling under her feet. Sitting down, she began ignoring Remus, not wanting him to confuse her thoughts.

Sight isn't always necessary she realized. Every breath she took, she smelt him. His aroma, musky scent, that surrounded. She heard him shift, his breathing.

What could she do?

She felt, no needed, to tell him. It wasn't merely an obligation, but her sense of duty; her morals compelled her to do so.

Her mind backtracked.

Morals? She smiled a bitter smile. She was betraying her husband for his best friend? That sounds fine, all morally and everything. Shaking her head, she raised it and looked at Remus. Her eyes longing to reach out, and touch.

But she couldn't. She didn't have any right to touch him, especially like that. Somehow, her mind had entertained the possibility when it was impossible. If it wasn't then she would make it impossible, letting go to her wants, not her needs, was wrong, and if she continued down this path…

Everything she now knew and loved, would be destroyed...

She didn't want that. She couldn't bear to live if everything that was close to her disappeared because her stupidity.

It just wasn't right.

So Lily lowered her eyes, and patted the sofa, "Remus, could you come here please? I'm ready to tell you."

To tell him what she didn't know, it would have to be version of the half truths that swirled through her mind, making her dizzy.

He moved slowly, his eyes never leaving the frail form, her eyes chaotic and twisting.

"Lily?"

She heard him call her name, but she didn't turn. She stared down at the flowery pattern on the sofa. Her finger trailing curves and swirls.

He sat down, and the sudden weight made her, involuntary, shift forward, into his arms.

For a moment she was frozen, her eyes still gazing down.

His arms were around her, warm safe and assuring. She closed her eyes and choked back a sob.

"So what's wrong?"

Her breath caught and her throat was suddenly dry. What was wrong? Everything basically. She didn't want to tell; yet Remus wanted to know. She had to tell him something, anything, something, just to get him off her back.

But what?

Thoughts raced across her mind, and she dismissed all of them. Superficial ones went straight out, she didn't think Remus would believe her if she said she had a broken nail, no matter how important she may have thought it was. People didn't cry over a nail, or she didn't know anyone that did.

His eyes were staring at her intently, not leaving her any space to properly think.

Lily started to get nervous. There had to be something, anything she could tell him, that would get him off her case… something, anything.

"Remus," she began her mind running through circles, moving so quickly her eyes were bright and anxious, "It is about James…" she let in go in a rush, her breath exhaling through her teeth.

She looked at him, at his blank face.

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_AN: Well, obviously this didn't end here. So expect another update, one, maybe more. I'll just see what happens. After this update I wouldn't expect much to Feb, it's going to be a busy year. Thank you to the people who reviewed._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter… surprised?_


	3. Mistaken Whims

**Strangely Attracted **

_Chapter Three: Mistaken Whims_

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James.

It would be…

It had to be…

It was reasonable to assume… 

_Of course_ it would be!

He was her husband. She loved him and he loved her. They were together; he was on the sidelines peering into their world. Their love was strong for each other. She would be worrying… that was normal.

What woman wouldn't worry? When her husband is missing, assumed dead?

James, he could be dead, her husband.

His best friend.

The tears that had fallen were for James. She was crying for him. He should have kept his suspicions silent. Why was he such a bumbling fool?

He should have guessed that. It was obvious.

"James…" he murmured as Lily gave him a stricken glance.

But… even so… it just didn't feel right.

Her tears, trailing down her cheeks… they weren't the same, as a woman mourning for her husband, even with his slim hope of life…

It wasn't James… so what, or who was it that made her cry?

Who in this world would make Lily cry? Whoever it was Remus would bash the slimy git to the ground.

Lily…

"Who is it really Lily?" his voice came out far too harsh and rough and Remus winced at the sound of the grating words.

Lily closed her eyes in, defeat?

"Remus," he stared at her in confusion and she opened her eyes. "Remus it's you!"

The breath escaped from his lips as he stared at her.

The arms were clenching, moving around her body. She face was twisted, her eyes drawn away.

She opened her mouth, "Remus I love you." Softly, quietly, hopelessly she said the words that made his heart skip a beat.

"Lily… what? I don't understand… James? Your husband… I don't see." He lurched to a standstill, his words stumbling over each other.

"I love you Remus, I don't know when it started to feel this way I just know that I do." She looked him directly in the eye. "What I feel is wrong, but I still love you, wrong. Why does love feel so awful? How can it feel so very wrong? I thought I loved James… I may have once. But now all I can think of you. The war, everything, is so devastating. People, friends, are _dying_! So many funerals I have attended, when I don't see the point! My sister hates me for my magic. I don't know if I shall ever speak, see or touch her again. My sister… Everything is spiraling out of control… and I love you."

She looked so vulnerable, standing there with her arms wrapped around her downcast body, red hair falling down across her shoulders.

"Lily, I don't know if what I feel if I can even describe it." He ran a hand through his hair, and slowly let out a breath, "I feel so, shock? You are one of my… and he is… and you are… I just don't know Lily."

"Oh…" Her voice was tiny.

"I just don't know what you want from me. I don't know if I can give you what you need. Am I the right person for you?" He turned away slightly, away from the face that conflicted his loyalties.

"I don't know Remus… that's why I'm so worried. Should I be taking this chance? It just seems…" She trailed off looking pensive.

Remus heaved out, "Betrayal."

She was torn; eyes welling up with tears, "Yes!" she choked out.

"Well I can't do anything about that Lily. I love you too."

"What!"

He reached out and placed her hand in his own. "I don't know why this has happened but it did. I love you, care about more than I thought… But I can't cure your problems Lily. This war won't be over, for a long time, you know that as well as I. I hardly know your sister…" Lily was shaking, looking up at him with teary eyes. "She has feelings that I can't change… It's just the way the world is Lily, they discriminate."

"I know Remus, that this isn't some fairy tale," she remarked rather bitterly. "This isn't your fault, I don't expect you to clean up the world. I… I actually don't know what I want. Maybe, um, I want you? To sound so cliché… I don't know. This has changed, _everything_, so fast."

"I realize that, Lily. I never saw any point in fighting, it seemed so useless," Remus smiled sardonically, "Times change. How they change…" He shook his head ruefully.

"Remus…?" She asked nervously.

* * *

He kissed her.

Light and delicate, his lips merely touching hers in the most refined manner.

It still sent a spark rushing down her spine, to her toes where they curled. Lily placed a hand on his cheek, feeling his bristly shadow under her fingertips.

Pulling apart his amber eyes gazed into her own. They were breathing deeply, almost in unison, just standing there, gently embracing.

Then time seemed to surge forward, racing quickly with confusion and sorrow.

"Lily! Remus!" Sirius's exuberant voice came through the door, they parted quickly starting at the dark wood, afraid and young, eyes dark.

The door was ripped open, nearly coming off its hinges, and the tall figure of Sirius emerged, "He's alive! James!" He rushed forward, hugging Remus, then Lily, jumping up and down joyously.

"Alive?" Lily whispered, hating herself for feeling happy for one brief moment.

James was alive.

"Yes! Alive! He's coming home!" Sirius laughed with relief, before bounding out of the room.

They were alone again.

But, they couldn't ever be together. She knew that, they were silly young fools, romantic and idiotic.

This was life, and she was married to Potter. It just wasn't possible for them to be together. It was too fraught with difficulties.

"Remus?"

"Don't worry, I get it."

Lily wanted to scream, yell, shout her frustration. But she didn't. She just stood there as Remus stiffly left the room. The door clicked gently after him, but it seemed to echo, hauntingly, around the room.

It was a brief dream into what could be, it was now over, and she was alone.

Falling to her knees, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks, she promised herself to that she would forget. To pretend that this had never happened.

Just to keep her sane.

"Oh Remus…" she whispered fruitlessly.

Shaking herself, she resumed an upright position and composed herself. The tears were wiped away, the lipstick replaced, the clothes straightened.

She was ready.

Remus was a silly mistake; it wasn't worth her time to even ponder her feelings. A charming, bright smile crept across her face as James entered the room.

He strode quickly over to her whispering assurances, as she kept on smiling. "Lily, I'm all right. Fine! Just a couple of scratches. Had to keep low, couldn't contact the Aurors. So sorry…" All the while covering her in kisses.

James was well, and she was happy.

Then why did everything feel so faded?

Oh Remus. We just weren't meant to be.

Any remaining embers of hopewere crushed, as Lily kissed James back, eyes terribly blank.

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**AN: the end…? Thanks to the people who have reviewed.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter… surprised?**


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